Longings

It has been a long time since we have actually been together. This end of the year time is extremely busy and stressful for Him. While that is actually a good reason to schedule time together, it also makes it very difficult to do just that. The dynamics of our relationship make the separation and distance okay with me. I always feel His presence and His influence in my life. We have almost daily contact of one form or another. My submission and His dominance are not dependent on our being together physically. I am actually amazed at how well this works for us. That said, I do regret not being able to be more present for Him. I wish that I could be in service more to Him, I would love to be able to provide Him with more of a break from the stressors of daily life.


The distance does serve to make me more appreciative of our time together. My desire for Him never wanes and is often quite controlling in itself. When we were talking the other day, I mentioned my desires. I told Him how much I yearned to serve Him, I referred to the things that I would like to do to Him and for Him. He asked me to tell Him, to describe it, and then He told me...You do know that my cock is in my hand now, don't you? That comment did it for me, it immediately turned me on, even more than I already was. An incredible yearning and desire for His cock washed over me. I wanted to see Him masturbate, I wanted to wrap my hand around His cock. I love how it feels, I love seeing it, I love the heat and the firmness of His erection in my hand.


I love any and all interaction I get with His cock. I love the feeling of it pressed against me, through His pants, when we embrace. I love feeling it under me as I lay over His lap for a spanking. I love unzipping His pants to see it spring free, right before I grasp it with my hand. I love kneeling before Him to slide my mouth down the length of His shaft. I love feeling it thrusting into my mouth, slamming into the back of my throat, making me gag. I love feeling it slip into my wet slit. smooth and hard and teasing, making me push against it, thrust towards it, needing to be filled with it.

I am enthralled by it, obsessed by it. I fantasize about it. I fantasize about slipping into a dark alley, so I can kneel and take it in my mouth right then. I fantasize about following Him into a public bathroom, or a stairwell, only to be pushed against the wall and feel it sliding into me. I fantasize about straddling Him on a park bench, in a forgotten corner of a park. I may be submissive, but I am not a patient girl. I do not want to wait for His cock, especially when I have not seen Him for awhile. I want His cock right then! I know He gets amused when I beg Him, down on my knees, please don't make me wait, I need to suck your cock right now. We have shared many late night dinners, because my hunger for His cock was greater than my hunger for any food.

This time apart, this last period of waiting, has whittled away at my patience even more. My desire for service to Him, combined with my desire for Him, has me needing His cock more than ever. My cunt aches for it, my hand is empty without it, my mouth salivates for it. I am in heat, again.

Candy

For awhile now, we have discussed finding another woman to play with. At first it was just a nice fantasy to talk about, but it has become an increasing desire for me and we have begun to discuss the logistics. The process of looking, screening, and meeting is an intimidating idea to me. I know there are tons of personal sites, but I am not ready to advertise yet. I have begun to browse through ads though. I have looked at Craigslist a few times, but it is overwhelming. There are so many ads, most of them wanting to "hook-up" immediately, just one big meat market. Tonight, I was browsing and getting pretty disgusted. I was about to sign off when I looked at one more ad. It seemed to be open and honest, plus she was a bit older. I sent Him the link and responded to her. It should have raised a red flag in me when I got an immediate reply with a link to her "pics." I followed the link and found the link terminated for violating a TOS agreement. I am not sure if it had been spam or malware, but either way I felt a little foolish.

I know it was terribly naive of me not to consider the possibility of many of the ads being spam. I know that I will really have to be more careful and rethink the entire process. I do tend to be a worrier, my mind works overtime considering all the worst case scenarios. It is rather amazing that I not only found J, but agreed to meet Him. However, sending the message to her tonight (even if it was a stupid mistake on my part), was a first step. I realize that I have now taken action on my thoughts. I know that this is actually something I would be willing to do. No, something that I want to do. Originally, I wanted to do this for Him, but this fantasy has become more and more mine. I want this. It remains to be seen if it ever comes to pass. Any further action I take will be very careful and well though out. But this is one more limit I want to cross with Him.



PS. Candy, if you're out there send a message.