Thoughts of Him

Thoughts of Him fill me. They cause my soul to expand, my spirit to soar and my cunt to leak. I am enmeshed by Him, I am permeated by His essence. I cannot escape Him, nor do I want to. The distance is breached by my mental captivity and punctuated by notes and conversations. In one way or another, He is always with me.

My mind feels His constant embrace, His control and consideration influences all that I do. His voice echoes inside of me, guiding me, calming me, affirming me. My skin tingles and quivers with phantom touches of His hands. Remembrances of His caresses and pinches, exhilerate and flush me. Touches that arouse me, mold me, direct me to an outcome. Strong, sure touches of Him handling His property, managing me. Weilding His dominance to ply me and shape me.

He has developed that longing inside me. I hunger to taste Him. I ache for His hands on me, probing me, igniting the fire inside of me. I covet His pinches and slaps that inflame me and awaken me. He has conquered me. I am His; His pet, His slut, His lover, His servant. He has subdued me and bridled me. He holds me in check, yet He can still release the violent and wild streak within. He holds mastery over me. He does all of this, with my thoughts of Him.

Regaining our balance and losing myself

I am finally recovering from my illness and my higher dose of medication seems to be kicking in. I am beginning to feel like myself again. J was here on Tuesday, it was just what we both desperately needed, at least I know that I was feeling rather desperate for Him. We both were quite exhausted and not completely healthy. However, the intensity was greater than I have ever experienced with Him.


Of course, in my mind, I had thoughts of making the evening perfect. Feeling frazzled and the events of the day seem to curtail that. I had hoped to be ready and waiting for Him, with dinner on the table when He arrived. That didn't happen. What I discovered was that a perfect evening did not depend on my being perfectly dressed and made-up, nor having the house spotless and dinner on the table. It just entailed us being together. I find that my desires and fantasies are limited (in part) by my experiences. I have been desiring intensity, in the form of pain play. I am not even sure that I was physically up to what I had been fantasizing about. I certainly received intensity, but of a different variety. His knowledge of my body and my reactions surprise me each time we are together. The climaxes and feelings of pleasure that He can evoke from me, as well as the sensations that I have never before experienced, truly boggle my mind.


When He arrived, I clung to Him. I never wanted to let go, He felt like a lifeline to me. His physical presence made everything perfect. Everything else faded from my mind; all of the distractions, the things I did not get done, not feeling well, all became unimportant and my focus was entirely on Him. He has become my center, my place of calm and peacefulness. My greatest joy and desire is to serve Him and to belong to Him. I prepared dinner, which we shared, along with some wine. I sat at His feet, I touched Him and tasted Him. Quenching my desire and my need for Him. We engaged in some spanking and some impact play. Then He began touching me, tasting me, biting me. He demanded my climaxes, quickly, deeply, incessantly. It was so intense and fast, it drove me deep within myself. He had completely control over me, I was surrendered to Him, He consumed me. I was swept up in the waves, pulled out to sea. He spoke to me, asked me things, I heard and my mind tried to respond, but my voice was gone. It was primal, animalistic. He penetrated my body and my mind, I was bound and gagged by His dominance. He pushed me past the point of too much, past my limits, to a place of intensity I did not think was possible. I could not answer with words, only with gutteral responses, screams and moans, while I stared, from deep inside myself, out the windows of my eyes. It was completely sexual, I was a feral being. My mind was fighting to comprehend and regain control, my body was disconnected, only responding, wildly, to Him. Every touch and sensation pushed me deeper. His light caresses on the small of my back, His mouth on my inner arm, everything evoked a sexual response. I could not claw my way to the surface, He trapped me in a vortex of climaxes. He broke me open, I was exposed as He ripped orgasms out of me. I was overtaken and consumed, He fed off of me. It was violent, it was exactly where I needed to be. I am His.

Hopeful

Although it has been a long time for us, I had come to expect to have to wait even longer. Often, previous responsibilities, time constraints, and circumstances take precedence over our desires. I certainly would like to be with Him more, but these periods of separation are the nature of the beast. My love, my yearnings and my submission are all exclusively His. Waiting patiently for Him, in between our scheduled liaisons, is what I do. Each encounter rewards me and confirms that He is worth the wait. Now, my hopefulness abounds with the possibility that we will be together in the next couple of weeks.

I have been wanting and asking for intensity, severity and pain. I want my limits pushed, my submission tested. I need to be consumed and overwhelmed by Him. I have no doubt that He will happily and eagerly fulfill my desires. I am awaiting it with breathless anticipation and a bit of anxiety. I am not afraid, I have no fear with Him. I am safe with Him, my trust is complete, as is my submission to Him. Only with Him, can I let myself go and give into my desires. He accepts me, both as an individual and as His possession. I am hopeful that I will begin the New Year, surrendered, marked and owned by Him.