I have been absent here for awhile, but I have been writing elsewhere. The new year brought a new focus, or maybe it was actually an old one. Despite the feelings of acceptance and the healing that J has fostered in me, I still had many demons lurking in the shadows. If you are told enough times, that you are unworthy and shameful, that sentiment latches onto you. No matter how deeply buried, it is a mantra that surfaces from time to time and echoes the words back to you. I have been writing confessions of dark thoughts, and the fears and shame that accompany them.
J has been both my healer and my dragon slayer. He has stood by my side and encouraged me, as I journeyed back to those strongholds. The places where I had battled, and lost, in my past. Those corners of my mind, that I was unable to face on my own, have been illuminated and swept clean, with Him at my side. He has silenced the accusations and replaced them with affirmations. He has slain the dragon, He led me through fiery places and has brought me back to where I belong, with Him.
David Usher - Black Black Heart