Saturday, September 27, 2008
My trust and submission grow more everyday. Even when we are apart, I can feel His presence inside of me. I have given myself to Him, He has the control, but with that He has offered me healing and protection. Each time He takes me just a bit farther and each time I face an internal struggle. The result of each struggle has been surrendering more to Him each time. I have no regrets, He has given me nothing but joy and satisfaction. I have never been so content or fulfilled. I strive to give everything to Him and by doing so I find I have more and more to give. I also find that the more I surrender, the more control I give to Him, the freer I become.
I anticipate the next year together, knowing that I will give Him more than I have this past year, knowing that He will take me farther than this past year. As I become more open, willing and transparent to Him, I sometimes wonder where our evolution and growth will lead us.
I am His, I have offered myself to Him. He has accepted me, He has taken me. I am consumed by His essence.
Monday, September 22, 2008
I enjoy cooking, I use recipes loosely. I like bumping up the flavor, if some spice is good, more is better. I love cutting, chopping, and mixing. However, my mind was far away, fantasizing about being His plaything and a different type of spiciness altogether.
He arrives to pick me up, asking if I was ready to go. I reply in the affirmative, but He tells me that He thinks I need a bit of last minute preparation for the ride. Bending me over the back of the couch, He raises my skirt revealing my ass cheeks bared by my thong. The height of the couch comes to the tops of my thighs. He pushes my shoulders all the way down, until my arms are resting on the couch cushions and my bottom is angled up in the air. Pushing His foot between my feet, He slides my feet apart, spreading my legs and exposing me completely. In this position, with my head down, I cannot see Him, but I feel the sting and hear the slap as He brings His hand hard across my ass. He is spanking me hard and fast, giving me five to ten strokes, then pausing to rub my reddened skin and dip His fingers down into my wet slit. As I begin to grind against His hand, He steps back and resumes the spanking. I lose track of how many strokes He has given me and my ass is on fire with the burn, He pauses again to rub my hot skin and even hotter cunt. His prolonged spanking has left me red and stinging and also wet and needy.
Still in position and unable to see, I hear His belt being unbuckled and slipping from its loops. Anticipating what is coming, I squirm a bit and feel my muscles unconsciously tense. I hear the belt cut through the air and feel it comtact my skin. I cry out and grip the cushions of the couch. The strokes of His belt continue until I am struggling not to pull away. Tears are running down my face and my cunt is dripping down my legs. When my ass is red, stinging and welted, He steps very close behind me, pulling me up, He leans me back against Him and wraps His arms around me from behind. He slides one hand down to my cunt and the other hand slips under my top to my breast. As His fingers close on my nipple and I am pushing hard on His other hand that is rubbing my clit, I feel His teeth close on the curve of my neck. I moan loudly and feel my climax well up inside me, but He tells me not to cum yet. I am shaking and panting as I fight to stop myself from riding the wave of the orgasm that He has begun in me. I am teetering on the edge and I am begging Him. I need His cock, I need Him to bend me back over and fuck me. I need to be filled up with His cock, I need to cum for Him. As I am pleading with Him, He pushes me back over the couch. I hear Him unzip His pants and feel His cock slide against my slit. I try to push back against Him, but He is teasing me. Pushing His cock just inside of me and then pulling back, ever in control. I am crying softly out of need and frustration, I want to scream and demand, but I won't, because I am His to play with in this way. His pet.
He steps back, away from me. He smiles at me and tells me that I am a greedy little slut. I look back at Him and see Him pull a small bag out of His pocket containing a plug carved from ginger. As He pushes the ginger plug into my anus, He promises that I will be able to cum soon. He tells me if the ginger gets too intense, I can remove it, but He thought it would make the trip much more enjoyable for both of us. Especially Him, and isn't that what I wanted? I quietly answer yes, as I kneel before Him and begin to clean my juices from His cock with my tongue. I feel the heat of the ginger spread from my ass to my cunt as I slide my lips all the way down His shaft.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I have realized that a true D/s relationship creates a dependency. It fosters a psychological bond between two people. Of course, I can only speak of my own dependency, the need that has been created for me as a sub. I am still pondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing. The dependency, the need that I have, is not a clingy, demanding type of need. It is a component within me, a reliance, a loyalty, a trust. I feel Him within me, His control, His strength, His caring. I am still an independent being, I go through life, I fulfill my responsibilities, I make decisions. Yet, throughout all of that, I connect with His essence. I am aware of Him, I consult with Him (though often only in my mind). I am certainly capable of making decisions on my own, I have done it for years. However, I now consider Him, His input, His opinion. I feel I belong to Him, not in a property sort of way, but as a cherished possession. I am His pet, and being His pet has become part of my identity. He does not dictate to me what I can and cannot do, but He cares for me. It is His voice, His reasoning, that makes me stop and think what is best for me. I have not always done that, I have not always thought about my own well-being. Now, His voice within me tells me to be careful and take care of myself.
My need for Him extends beyond my consideration of self. It extends to my sexuality, my release. I am not sure how, or when, it happened, but my climaxes depend on Him. For Him, I can cum without any physical stimulation, just His voice, describing, coaxing, demanding. This aural stimulation and my resulting climax is different, it is spiritual and holistic. I am still left satisfied, wet, and throbbing, but it originates in my mind and moves to my cunt, rather than the other way around. Without Him, I cannot cum at all. My own touches, my own stimulation leaves me wanting and frustrated. My forays into the area of self-love have to end with His voice within me, telling me to cum now, or it just doesn't happen. At times, that tends to make me a submissive crack whore, jonesing for His drug.
I do sometimes worry about my dependency, I never want it to translate into a stifling need that He feels He must satisfy in me. I want my submission to Him to be a joyful diversion for Him, never a burden or affliction. I know that He takes His responsibility, as my dominant, very seriously. I trust Him completely, I defer to His decisions, but I never want to take advantage of Him. I want my presence in His life to be freeing, not suffocating. My needs and dependency are not meant to stake a claim, but to satisfy needs in both of us. I hope that He always finds my service and dedication pleasing and fulfilling.