I am His and it seems my tears are as well...

He was here.  He held me, he bit me, he pinched me, he made me cum.  I served him, I loved him, I surrendered to him, I cried.  It seems that my crying when he is here has become a regular thing.  I often don't know why.  I do know that I cannot cry in front of anyone but him.  I rarely cry even when I am alone.  He tells me he sees my tears as a gift that I only give to him.  Sometimes I see my tears as a failure, as a weakness of my submission.  He wants to hurt me and take me farther, he wants to challenge me and reprogram me.  He does not want to harm me or damage me.  He wants me to enjoy his enjoyment of me.  He is careful with me and caring of me.  He knows of my past.  He never wants me to feel abused or frightened of him and I never do.  Yesterday though, he was pinching and biting and grabbing me.  It hurt, but it also turned me on.  I wanted it, I wanted him, but then I knew I was going to cry.  I could feel the bubble deep inside of me, the bubble of emotions, of tears, of release.  It kept getting bigger, closer to the surface.  I couldn't contain it.  It rose to the top and overflowed out of my tear ducts.  I cried, I sobbed, I felt myself break inside.  He asked if I was okay, he asked what was wrong.  He asked if I knew what brought on my tears.  I had no words to tell him, just emotions, just tears.  I still don't know why.  I think that sometimes I become so overwhelmed by sensation and by him that I cry, because that is how I react when my control, my demeanor crumble in the wake of his control of me.  This time it was partly his bites.  It was not as if he hurt me badly, it was as if he bit through my shell.  He pierced my armor.  He broke through to where the tears are, even though I think they are/should be gone.  I am safe with J, I am safe to submit to him, surrender to him, be myself with him, be honest with him and cry with him. 

It is sometimes to tell him and to express here what I feel and what I think.  That is because, when it comes to him, to us, my thoughts and feelings are combined with imagery.  I can see images of what is occurring inside of me, I can share those images, but they may only make sense to me.  At certain times, he leaves me without words at all.  I cannot talk to tell him or answer him.  He literally leaves me speechless.  I have never been able to let go to this extent before.  I have never been able to give myself so fully to anyone.  No one has ever been able to take me, control me, pierce me, hold me, comfort me, know me like he does.  He is the most amazing, sexy, intuitive, intelligent, compassionate and dominant man I have ever known.  He makes me feel beautiful, sensual, smart and his.  I will always be his.  Each time we are together, he establishes that even more than it already is.  I love what he does, how he does it, what he lets me do and who he allows me to be.  Thank you J, I look forward to the next year with you and the one after that and the one after that...