Of Shared Lives

I have been dreaming a lot lately and J is frequently prominent in my dreams. I feel His presence in my daily life always, but often, in my dreams, His presence feels more tangible. Last night I dreamt of Him again. I dreamt of my entire life, only He was there with me, as if we had always been together. I revisited places and events from my life and I saw Him there with me.

In my dream, He was an adult, as I know Him now, though I was whatever age I would have been at the time of the particular event. I dreamt of my accident, which occurred on July 11, 1961, when I was three. I could see Him there watching, not a part of the event, no one else could see Him. I heard His voice, telling me I would be safe and that I would be alright. I saw Him watching me at various times of my life, some significant and some mundane. (I was in a classroom as a teenager, then I was in a bar with friends as a young adult.) In most cases, He was standing off to the side, just observing. Other times, he was with me, He was involved. I was with Him in Oregon (where he lived at one time), we were hiking together, I looked to be about twelve. In reality, we have never been there together, in fact, I have never been there at all. I was 16, the night I lost my virginity, only He was my lover. I was 30, in an abusive marriage, I saw scenes of rape. I did not see Him, but I could feel Him there and I could hear His voice in my ear, telling me that it would be okay, that I would survive this and get out and He would be there waiting. I felt Him holding me as I sobbed afterwards. I saw my life now, only with Him here. I saw us walking the dogs, fixing dinner, sitting on the deck. As I woke up, I felt Him next to me, even though He wasn't physically there.

I have always felt as if He had known me before. I don't mean a time in this life that I just don't remember, but sometime in a past life or in a different space (not that I ever believed in that sort of thing). I feel as if we occupy a kind of sacred place together. It is because He knows me so well, our connection is so deep. It seems He has always been part of me.

I have been thinking of my past recently. I just reconnected with an old friend, I have been thinking of my father. I know those things could account for my dream, but maybe it's more than that. What if our souls have shared some astral plane? What if my mind has been opened to a reality that I wasn't aware of before? Yes, I know that sounds a little crazy, but exactly what is our reality composed of anyway? The fact is that He is a part of my reality now. He is such an integral part of my reality, that He has skewed it in some ways. He is a constant in my life, even though He is not here constantly. He knows what's in my mind, even though I do not tell Him every thought. In any case, I love spending the night cavorting through time with Him.