Sunday, September 6, 2009

Trust, truth and reality

Swan and Chloe both have written recent posts about honesty and trust in their relationships and how that plays out in their dynamics. I started to comment on each of their posts, but decided I had more to say and thought I would muse about it here. Bear with me as I ramble on to some sort of conclusion.

Before my relationship with J, I had huge trust issues. In the past, I had been lied to and betrayed in so many ways. Those lies and betrayals had distorted my reality and caused me to question even my own judgement. I was guarded and jaded and had withdrawn from all intimacy in any relationships. When I met J, that all changed. I can give you all sorts of reasons, but I don't really know why it was different. Perhaps it was His manner, or maybe I was just ready, possibly it was just in the stars for us to be together, whatever the reason (or all of them together), I trusted Him.

It has been two years, I have never had a reason not to trust Him. As far as I know, He has never lied to me. He has shown love and concern for me. He has never harmed me, He looks out for me, He keeps me safe. That is my reality. That is what I know to be true. After reading their posts, I began to think about the importance of honesty. Previously, I would have said that honesty was of utmost importance, that I could never tolerate being lied to. However, if I found out that J had lied to me, I cannot see that it would change my reality. I would still believe that He loved me, I would still believe that He would protect me, I would still believe He wants me in His life. That would still be my reality. My trust has been built on what He has shown me. The truth has been based on what He has told me. Those do not necessarily have to be the same thing.

My ex-husband told me many things...all lies. He also showed me that he did not care about me, that he did not respect me, and he harmed me repeatedly. There was no safety or security with him. With J, I am safe and secure. I can count on Him. He has demonstrated a consistency and a stability. My reality is based on what I know to be true (what I have seen and experienced), not what I have been told to be true. In that respect, my truth is relative.

Now, let me clarify, I have do not believe that J has ever lied to me. I believe everything He tells me. But, I understand what Swan and Chloe are saying. Withholding information or even an outright lie, would not shatter my trust. I trust Him to tell me what I need to know, I trust Him to keep me safe and respect our relationship. Swan says it best with theses words: In my world, inside of our dynamic, His word defines the fact and the reality. I live my life completely within the boundaries defined by His word and His vision. That is my truth. Anything else, is just not all that important.

Conversely, He requires me to tell Him what is on my mind. He expects me to share my thoughts, my needs and my desires with Him. I try very hard to comply with His expectations and His trust. It is important, it enables Him to know where to take us. It enables Him to define our dynamic and our reality. Just as He decides what I need to know, He also decides what He needs to know. I am very happy, content and secure to abide by those decisions He makes. I am very pleased by the reality He has defined for me. The truth (and the reality) is that I am His.


M:e said...

I've read the posts around the interweb which have talked about this. I keep coming back to a strand of thinking which says how we feel about honesty and truth, and whether we could get past lies, depends on both our pasts and how comfortable we are with ourselves at the time it happens. It seems that its as much tied in with how comfortable we are letting go of 'egoist' thinking as it is about trust. Not sure that may make much sense, but its given me a bit to muse about recently.

love and hugs xxx

swan said...

Alice -- Thank you for "getting" the direction of my thinking; for making it sound coherent and articulate. I am very glad that your life has shaped itself as it has -- it seems that it has made you very happy.


Alice said...

I know for me it is very tied into where I am in my life. It also has much to do with the state if my relationship with J. Even a couple of years ago, I would have never have felt this way.

Thank you. Per usual, your post had me saying, "yes, that is it, that's how I feel." Perhaps it is that we are at similar stages in our lives, but I often identify with your thoughts. In this case, both your post and Chloe's made me reflect on something that just was. I frequently am surprised at my own journey, at the changes that have occurred in me and the redefining of my own "normal".

Chloe said...

I loved this line: My trust has been built on what He has shown me. The truth has been based on what He has told me. Those do not necessarily have to be the same thing.

Well put, Alice. And thank you for sharing.


selkie said...

I'm finding all these musings on honesty and trust and ultimately, the strength of faith quite fascinating. I think I find myself astonished and yes, even a little envious of all of you who can make the "leap to faith". Such a simple yet incredibly huge leap it is. I think I'm going to have to do my own thoughts on this whole concept - what is sorta cool is how each of us creates a thought process in another and another ... and in so doing, we each are given precious insight inot other thoughts.