Sunday, October 24, 2010

Have I mentioned how much I love this man?

Sometimes I think that D/s relationships are defined entirely by the dynamic.  They are D/s first and relationships second.  If that is the case then we are doing it wrong, because ours is certainly about the relationship first.  We have more love, caring, involvement and intimacy than many couples that live in the same household.  I realize that in some ways, that may be because we are apart.  Many stressors that take a toll on other relationships simply do not apply to us in the same way.  Of course we both experience the common problems that everyone does, money issues, work issues, family issues, we share these concerns with each other and we are supportive and concerned for each other.  Life apart keeps them from being a wedge between us, though I am not completely sure they would if we did live together.

We both have weathered our share of problems the past couple of years.  Personally and professionally, we have both taken a number of hits.  My finances have been teetering on the brink of ruin, I have dealt with my son's inability to properly care for his children, my work has completely changed focus and has become more stressful and dangerous at times.  J's business has seen the effects of a poor economy, His income has taken other hits as well, even as the business has improved, His work has remained a source of stress and contention at times.  More recently, His youngest brother died unexpectedly.  I can honestly say these things have brought us closer.  J has been a source of strength and support for me that I have never experienced with anyone else.  I have also tried to be a source of love and support for Him as well. 

While we do not come home to each other every night, we do talk most days and see each other often.  I am always thrilled to hear His voice or receive a message from Him.  In between, my thoughts of Him keep me calm, content and secure.  I tell Him everything, I laugh with Him, I cry with Him, He is my soul mate and my rock.  I think about Him when I cook, clean, do laundry, go to work.  He may not be here with me, but I do things for Him, with Him in mind regardless.  The simple act of making sure there is enough toilet paper is done with Him in mind.  Each night, when I go to bed, I feel Him next to me.  I touch Him, kiss Him and hold Him, all in my thoughts.  Every night and every morning, I feel His arms around me.  He is home to me, He is everything to me.  I really love this man more than I can express.  Rather amazing, considering three years ago, I shunned intimacy, love and long term relationships.  In Him, I have been reborn, renewed and rediscovered.


Louise said...

You both are most lucky and blessed, Alice, and I am very happy for that. (big hugs)

I am sorry for the loss of a dear one for J, please convey my condolences.

And thanks for the 3 doors down song... I've listened to their 'when i am gone' song way too often in my car, too loud and at the most crazy of times.

much love, my dear friend.

Alice said...

I am very blessed Louise, a fact that awes me every day. At the risk of sounding foolish and maudlin, I believe we were destined for each other and my life up until now was just preparing me for him.

My good wishes go out to you. I always look forward to hearing from you.