Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Finding my way

“I could tell you my adventures - beginning from this morning,” said Alice a little timidly:
“but it’s no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different person then”
~Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

I stumbled into the rabbit hole almost seven months ago. When I say I stumbled, I mean I discovered it unexpectedly. Although, it wasn’t a total surprise, because I had curiously peeked into this tunnel many times in my adult life. I've always had secret desires, leanings toward submission. I viewed these leanings as abnormal; I had never had a partner that seemed capable or willing to fulfill this need in me. But, that would be going back yesterday and I was a different person then.

I should not say I stumbled onto this path, He led and I deliberately followed. I did not know what to expect, or where it would take me. My expectations of what I was entering into certainly never encompassed the depth or breadth of what the relationship has become. I followed because I trusted Him. Every ounce of me, to my very core, trusted Him. He has never caused me one bit of regret, or betrayed that trust in any way. I came to realize that I needed Him, I needed to surrender to Him. Since then, I have looked back only once, back to an old life and old dreams. That backward look caused me to face a moment of doubt; I strayed from the path, but only temporarily. I took a detour, but realized it led me backwards, to a place that I didn't need to be. Luckily, I found my way back to this wonderland path.

The beginning of my journey is recorded, in part, here. But since I have escaped from the house of cards with my head still intact, I will share the rest of my adventures on this site.

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