Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Flying close to the sun

"So many out of the way things had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible."
~ Alice's Adventures in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

At the outset of this adventure, while there were many experiences that I wanted to partake in; there were also limitations and boundaries that I felt were set in stone. As some of my emotional walls were breached, that stone began to crumble and my boundaries were no longer static, but fluid. The more fluid my limits became, the more they just seemed to melt away. I am desiring, needing more and more. My mind is flush with thoughts. Thoughts that are flowing, racing with such force that I cannot process or retain all of them.

They are thoughts of Him, of what I want to surrender to Him, of what I want to do for Him. These thoughts have taken on a life of their own, an overwhelming presence in my existence, His presence. His essence has overtaken me, enveloped me. My cravings and my emotions have been spiraling upward. I am caught in a vortex that is lifting me above my limits. At times, I feel I am rising to dangerous heights and counting entirely on Him to keep me grounded. Without Him, I fear I would follow the path and the folly of Icarus and fly too close to the sun. My thoughts and feelings have become extremely carnal; I hunger and ache to be liberated by my surrender to Him. By relinquishing my will to Him, my appetites and passions have unfurled before me. Facing and acknowledging these dark desires and yearnings has both freed me and endangered me. Freed me to consider all the possibilities, left me in danger of being lost in my greed.

He holds me in His hands, I trust Him to take me to new heights, while preventing me from burning myself up. I am playing with fire, wanting to experience the heat and the flame, knowing that He will help me rise from the ashes.

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