Wednesday, September 3, 2008


I have realized that a true D/s relationship creates a dependency. It fosters a psychological bond between two people. Of course, I can only speak of my own dependency, the need that has been created for me as a sub. I am still pondering if this is a good thing or a bad thing. The dependency, the need that I have, is not a clingy, demanding type of need. It is a component within me, a reliance, a loyalty, a trust. I feel Him within me, His control, His strength, His caring. I am still an independent being, I go through life, I fulfill my responsibilities, I make decisions. Yet, throughout all of that, I connect with His essence. I am aware of Him, I consult with Him (though often only in my mind). I am certainly capable of making decisions on my own, I have done it for years. However, I now consider Him, His input, His opinion. I feel I belong to Him, not in a property sort of way, but as a cherished possession. I am His pet, and being His pet has become part of my identity. He does not dictate to me what I can and cannot do, but He cares for me. It is His voice, His reasoning, that makes me stop and think what is best for me. I have not always done that, I have not always thought about my own well-being. Now, His voice within me tells me to be careful and take care of myself.

My need for Him extends beyond my consideration of self. It extends to my sexuality, my release. I am not sure how, or when, it happened, but my climaxes depend on Him. For Him, I can cum without any physical stimulation, just His voice, describing, coaxing, demanding. This aural stimulation and my resulting climax is different, it is spiritual and holistic. I am still left satisfied, wet, and throbbing, but it originates in my mind and moves to my cunt, rather than the other way around. Without Him, I cannot cum at all. My own touches, my own stimulation leaves me wanting and frustrated. My forays into the area of self-love have to end with His voice within me, telling me to cum now, or it just doesn't happen. At times, that tends to make me a submissive crack whore, jonesing for His drug.

I do sometimes worry about my dependency, I never want it to translate into a stifling need that He feels He must satisfy in me. I want my submission to Him to be a joyful diversion for Him, never a burden or affliction. I know that He takes His responsibility, as my dominant, very seriously. I trust Him completely, I defer to His decisions, but I never want to take advantage of Him. I want my presence in His life to be freeing, not suffocating. My needs and dependency are not meant to stake a claim, but to satisfy needs in both of us. I hope that He always finds my service and dedication pleasing and fulfilling.


Paul said...

Alice, a nice post.
I always thought of this relationship as a mutual dependency.
I know that my submissive made me whole as I did the same for her.
Your feelings do you and Him credit.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...

He offer so much to me, my life is so much richer and more complete since I have been His. This is a very different experience than other relationships I have had.