After this weekend of raging emotions, I am feeling calm again. Speaking with J( even briefly) tonight, restored me even more. He is an incredibly calming presence to me. I might as well just toss it in. The rest of the week is shot, my mind is already into next week.
I also spoke with my friend tonight. It was a good conversation, a girlfriend type conversation. I related some of what I have been going through and we had a good laugh over it. We talked a bit about her situation and I sense she is getting a handle on it. It was nice to reconnect, we will be fine.
When I began the emotional spiral, I longed for some control (His, not mine). My control tends to just clamp down, I shut the door and try to plunge ahead as if nothing is wrong. His control, on the other hand, is calm, steady and even tempered. He is patient, when I am not. My mind and my body surrender to Him and behave in the manner He expects them to. His presence puts me into a calm, meditative, almost worshipful state. He is firm with me and gentle with my psyche. He doesn't back down, but He will slow down and calmly and reassuringly bring me through times of turbulence or resistance. My entire being can rest in the shelter of His dominance. I have never felt safer than when I am with Him.