Monday, April 20, 2009


J is traveling on the other side of the country right now. He is only away for a long weekend. Even when He is home, He is about 100 miles from me. He was here recently and in a week we will be together again. Yet, this weekend, the distance is pulling at me. I miss Him incredibly. We have talked and I have sent Him several e-mails (though on the phone, He told me that the wi-fi connection at the hotel went out, so He cannot get on-line).

This is very strange and disconcerting to me. I am used to being apart from Him. I can feel His dominance and His presence even when we are apart. There have been times when we have been out of contact for much longer than this weekend. Yet, here I am, struggling without Him. When we spoke, I felt the anxiety melt away, I felt His presence slip around me like a hug. Right now though, all I can feel is the distance.

This has been a rough week. I am probably a bit hormonal and also a bit stressed. I am also anticipating spending a week with Him soon. Perhaps those are the reasons I am feeling this way. I am His pet, I know that I am, I have no fears or doubts about our relationship. I just can feel how far He is from me right now. I am almost embarrassed to admit this. I know I am being somewhat of a whiny baby. Lots of people have long distance relationships, most of them are across a far greater distance then is usually between us, some of them are across a greater distance than we are now. I am not clingy or needy, but I feel that way this weekend. Tonight, I am a child with separation anxiety.

1 comment:

M:e said...

Times like these are difficult aren't they? I have a 'monster' which I call Missu who appears at times like this, who seems to love to stir up my emotions and make the distance seem greater, time go slower, my heart ache more than it should. Missu is mischevious, and could be quite destructive if I didn't recognise what he does.

love and hugs xxx are able to get into the private site yes? Drop me an email if not.