Wednesday, August 19, 2009

A letter to J

It seems the more we are together, the more I desire you. There was a time when your visits would sate me for a time, decrease my need for awhile. That is no longer true, even though I have just been with you I ache to give myself to you again. I regularly contemplate our journey, my evolution. I remember when I first wrote you a list of my limits and boundaries, stating the things that were off the table, things that held no desire for me (some of which were unthinkable). You accepted my list, you told me you were fine with it. You also told me that you anticipated that a time would come when I would ask you for some of those things on the list. You have since taken me past many of those boundaries, others have been discussed and contemplated. You were right, I have asked you for those things, I have asked you to lead me deeper into this. I have asked you to take me to the edge. Those once hard limits have become fluid and flexible. I desire that surrender, that deep submission that comes from exploring that edge.

Many of those original limits were due to my past. Things that were done to me, not of a consensual nature, but in a cruel and fearful way. What began with my difficulty to even recount and discuss those things, has ended with my desire to revisit and redefine those things. You have redefined me. My surrender to you has allowed me to take back the power that was stolen from me. I have come to see that it was not the acts which haunted me, it was the nature in which they were done. You have given me the security to reclaim my ability to choose and consent. I have been able to consent and explore those things with you. By facing those things again, I have broken the bonds of my violator, I have removed his power over me. I have discovered the joy of a power exchange, the more power and control I yield to you, the stronger and more empowered I become.

I have come to crave that exploration of the edge with you. I love yielding that power to you, feeling myself held completely in your control. It's as if you swallow me up, you overwhelm me. The farther down this road you lead me, that farther I want to travel with you. I know I belong to you, that is a statement of fact that is constantly reiterated between us. What I need is physically have your ownership imposed upon me. I want to be marked by you. I want to wear the temporary marks of your belt, the flogger, and the cane. I also want the permanent mark of being pierced and wearing your ring. I think constantly of these marks. I think of the raised red welts of the cane marks on my ass. I think of you administering them and of you running your fingers over them afterwards. I think of you marking me as your property and then claiming me by taking me for your pleasure. Taking me in any manner and in any hole that pleases you. I think of those times when your use pushes me deep inside of myself. When I feel very small and consumed by you. When I feel owned and safe and I know that is where I belong.

My submission to you is a drug that I have become addicted to. The more I experience it, the more I crave it. It consumes my thoughts, it dictates my actions, it holds me captive. I hunger for your dominance and your control. I thirst for your cum. I ache for your marks on my skin. Nothing else can sate me, placate me or pleasure me. I am bound to you by my own needs and desires.

your pet


Bonnie said...


What a lovely tribute. Thanks for sharing it with us.


Alice said...

Thank you Bonnie. I am privileged to have you reading here.