Sunday, July 6, 2008

Submissive Journal Prompts - Week of June 30th

~How tolerant are you of others who live in a lifestyle that would not suit you and who live in such a way it does not affect you? Do you consider yourself open minded? How do you react when others judge your lifestyle as fantasy?

I consider myself to be very open-minded. If someone chooses a lifestyle other than my own, that is entirely their choice and option. We all need and desire different things from life. There are many lifestyles and dynamics that hold no interest for me personally, I certainly would not judge someone else for wanting that. I think that my involvement in this community, reading blogs and corresponding with others has made me more accepting. I enjoy talking to others about their life choices (relationships, beliefs, etc.) to gain understanding and perspective. It is usually easy to find similarities and commonalities on which to base acceptance and friendship.

I am not sure that others would find my lifestyle to be fantasy. I do encounter many people that would judge and condemn my particular choices and desires. I do not waste my time on trying to change their attitude. I understand that their reaction often stems from what society deems as acceptable. They also are often coming from a very limited frame of reference. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

~Are you a quiet obedient submissive or is there an element of playful brattiness in your dynamic? How does your owner/dominant encourage or enhance who you are?

I do not think that either of these descriptions accurately describes me. There is an equality that is present in our dynamic. Our play and interactions stems from mutual needs and desires, not just His. He encourages me to share my fantasies, opinions, and desires. He encourages my strength and independence. I am very submissive to Him and try to focus on serving Him, that is what my desire is. I also know that He makes sure my needs are met as well. While at times, denial and restrictions may play a part, that is to enhance His control and heighten my desires. I do not engage in bratty behavior, I have no need to. There is a very strong element of playfulness in our relationship. I love the lightheartedness and teasing that occurs between us.

He both encourages and enhances who I am. We are not 24/7 and lead very separate lives, though we discuss and share details of those lives with each other. He is supportive and encouraging in all that I do. He has given me a self-awareness and an acceptance of things that has made me a better person in all areas of my life. He has helped me heal from things that happened in my past. I have become a stronger and happier person because of Him.

~Why do you write a journal? Do you find it is a positive thing for you, and if so, in what ways? Is it a public journal? Do you ever find yourself censoring your writings for whoever else might read them?

I have kept a journal for much of my life. Writing helps me process and reflect on things that occur. It also provides me with a record of things that I can look back on. It is a very positive thing for me. I gain insight and understanding from writing things here. I also view it as another form of communication between us. This blog is written for Him as much as it is for me. It helps me feel very connected to Him.

I have not always kept a public journal, but right now, my blogs are my journals. I maintain two blogs with different focuses, they reflect the different focuses in my life.

I thought that keeping a public journal would prompt me to censor things at times. Though my blog is pretty anonymous, I have given the link to a couple of friends. When I am writing, I do not even think about who may read it, I write what is on my mind and in my heart. I sometimes think about it after I publish and have been tempted to go back and change things, but I never have. He is the only one that ever crosses my mind while I write. I have never felt the need to censor or withhold things from Him. Our entire relationship is based on trust and honesty. If I ever reached the point of keeping things from Him, I would have to seriously reconsider my decision to submit to Him. I have made a very conscious and deliberate effort to be very open and honest in my writing.

In my past, my ex-husband discovered and read the journal that I kept at the time. He used that information against me. He misinterpreted what I wrote and used it as an excuse for abuse. After that occurred, I stopped keeping a journal for a long time. Even after we divorced, I didn't feel it was safe to do so. Being able to write again, especially in such a public forum, has been very healing and freeing for me. The affirmation and acceptance that I receive, both from Him and through the comments left, has been an empowering experience.

I am not influenced by the expectation of promotion or pecuniary reward. I wish to be useful…
~Nathan Hale

I wish I could be this giving and charitable. I think I am more selfish than this quote reflects. I am motivated by personal rewards. Even if those rewards are from my own satisfaction in trying to make a difference. I think it is rare that any of us are motivated by entirely selfless reasons. Wealth and status have never been a consideration for me, though pride and appreciation certainly are. The closest I come to this is probably in my role as a mother. Though the love and pride I feel towards my children influence that role as well. This is something that I strive for though, but sainthood is certainly not in my future.

Questions are from Submissive Journal Prompts.

1 comment:

Greenwoman said...

I am deeply glad that you have found your journals here on Blogger a healing experience. Journals are full of power....I'm glad you've reclaimed yours.

and I think that one of the reasons that I seek my spirituality so profoundly is because it takes me outside myself...out of my self absorption and selfish interest.

That is utterly good for my ego. Keeps me humble and right size. That has become the reward of giving in a very real way.