I planned on writing a post all week. He was here last week on Monday and stayed over til Tuesday morning. Although our time together was short, our play was intense. I had been reflecting on all that happened, trying to sort it out into a coherent narrative. I don't think I can, it is not coherent, I was not coherent. I was small, I was His, I was very close and very far away, all at the same time. He does that to me, He takes me to another place. I cannot explain it, my mind becomes child-like. The feelings and sensations crowd out the rationality. I become present in the moment, everything else becomes clouded.
In the midst of intense sexual play, I am taken inside of myself to a place of simple innocence and trust. He becomes my focus and my center. My trust allows me to go deep, He is my refuge, my safety, my protector. I can let go and float away, I become completely His. He took me there last week, I was completely in His control. I was caught between the sensations of pain and pleasure. He spanked me and then caned me. I was balanced on the edge of asking Him to stop and begging Him to go on. Wanting more and fearing my ability to tolerate it. I wanted to escape the pain and yet I felt I could climax from it. Each stroke seared through me, yet left me needing more.
From the moment He arrived, I was His possession. I needed His hands on me, I needed His control. He is the only one who can make me feel that way. I crave what He can give to me, the pleasure that He imparts to me, my needs that He meets. When He kissed me, I felt like I was consumed by Him, I was enveloped by His presence. His stature and His hands directed me down, until I was kneeling in front of Him. I took His cock in my mouth, it fed my needs and nourished my submission. Humbled before Him, I felt surrendered and worshipful. I existed for His pleasure and His use. When I am in His hands, in His control, I feel safe and cared for. I feel completely abased and completely treasured at the same time.
My recollections of the evening come to me in flashes. Snapshots of sensations and images. I remember my nipples being pinched and flattened between His fingers, being held that way while my knees buckled under me. Feeling the heat and wetness dripping from my cunt, as His fingers slid inside of me. His touches and pinches pulling my orgasms out of me. Each one bigger and longer than the last. His cock in my mouth for an hour, sucking hungrily, greedily, not wanting Him to take it from me. Being pulled by my legs to the edge of the bed, His hands pushing my thighs open for Him. His mouth on my clit, sucking and biting, His fingers curled inside of me. Feeling my climax swell and then explode inside of me, cumming so hard I rose up from the bed. Being caned, trying to pull away, but held by restraints. Screaming into the bed with each stroke, but wanting more, wanting it harder. Crying, not from the pain, but from the release. Letting go and surrendering, curling into Him, being held and petted while I wept.
With Him I am a woman, but also a child. He enables me to innocently trust Him. With Him I have no secrets, His light illuminates all that I am. I put myself in His hands with no fear or regret.
Guns and Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine