When I was a little insufferable girl (as opposed to a big insufferable girl), my sister used to call me a snit. This is the sister that I am actually close to now. I don't really know what that means. I think it is somewhere between "having your panties in a wad" and being an "annoying, shallow, little bitch." In any case, I feel like a snit. This week, I have been easily annoyed. This usually only happens when I am encountered by in your face ignorance, combined with arrogance.
My co-worker will absolutely not keep his yap shut. Last Friday he was talking about guns. He stated that every home should have one. He said that gun owners should be able to have assault weapons, because, someday, we may have to once again form militias and defend ourselves against the government (scary, huh). I ignored the last part of his diatribe (I mean, honestly, how do you even respond to that?) and I told him that I am not opposed to gun ownership, if the owner is responsible and can make sure no accidents will happen (is that even possible?). I told him that my ex-husband owned guns (he was a cop, for crying out loud) and he offered me one for protection when we split. I declined, knowing that I would be a single, working mother with boys at home. I know how to shoot, I am an excellent marksman, my boys know how to shoot, but I would never have had a gun at home with the boys. Too much of an equation for disaster, especially when they were teenagers. He responded by telling me that my problem was making guns taboo. If I had just taken the time to teach them proper safety and respect, it would have been fine. I went off! I told him that he had no clue and no right to tell me how to parent my children, especially considering that he has never raised children (thank God his DNA has not been passed on). I told him that I would absolutely refuse to discuss any political or controversial topics with him ever again. I told him that I find his views offensive, and though I am not opposed to healthy debate, arguing with him is toxic.
Last week, I commented on a discussion thread in Fetlife. Apparently, I stepped on some one's toes, because he came at me with a vengeance. Somehow, (okay, with my help) the thread spread to other discussion groups and took on a life of its own. I am ashamed to admit I participated in a flaming war and I just could not walk away from the fight. As of today, it is over. (Except for my rehashing it here, I have to get it out of my system.) The one thread was shut down by the moderator and I have made a commitment that I will not be sucked back into any others.
Don't get me wrong, there really are plenty of times that I bite my tongue and walk away. Sometimes, I just can't (or don't want to), I do not feel like everyone should agree with me. I do try to expose myself to differing opinions and understand others. I just want a little respect and consideration in return. I want a little concession, an acknowledgement that they they might be wrong. Or at least, let's agree to disagree. Yet, there are times that I find myself being stubborn and judgemental too. I would like to think that I am above being reactionary, that I don't have anything to prove, that if I encounter rudeness I can walk away. The truth is that occasionally, I get sucked in. Reacting and arguing that way, makes me feel like a pitbull in lipstick. Something I definitely do not want to become (on either side of the aisle). So, why do I do it? (Paul and Shannee, I am open to suggestions.)
J has also had a bad week. He has been working crazy hours, under a great deal of stress. I would have loved to have been in complete service to Him (I did try to be supportive, despite the distance), but I was over in Fetlife, arguing with a lunatic. Great submissive attitude. Maybe this pet needs a muzzle and a leash. Actually, He is the key, when I focus my energy on Him, I am fine. He is my focal point, my center. My submission negates my need to prove anything to anyone (but Him). His caring dominance is the only validation that I need. Focusing on Him calms me. I just need to always remember that. I am a very lucky girl and I do know it!
To my readers: I apologize for my atypical post and my atypical behavior. I do learn a great deal from you and you do keep me honest. To J, I apologize for losing my focus, I'll try to do better. I will reward you all with the following, found on Ponygirl's blog.
If that doesn't make you smile, nothing will.