Uncertainty

"Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality."

"When one admits that nothing is certain one must, I think, also admit that some things are much more nearly certain than others."

"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts."

~Bertrand Russell

I came to realize this week that uncertainty is just part of life. I also realized that I am much more certain of J, than I am of myself. For many years, I did not trust myself (nor anyone else), I had made some big mistakes in my life that had rocked my confidence. J has returned that trust to me. He has accompanied me on a journey of exploration and self-actualization. I once again trust my instincts and I also trust Him. So, the insight that I have gained, is that I will never figure it all out. I continue to think and reflect on my experiences and my thoughts, but I do not have to know all the whys and the wherefores. He has freed me to indulge in my examination and exploration of my thoughts and my fantasies. It becomes even more revealing to me, when He explores my mind. J is the only person that I have ever been able to be completely open with. In fact, I am compelled to be open and honest with Him. The insight He gains from that is never used to pressure me or judge me, only to know me and understand me. He is more accepting of me, than I am of myself. I have revealed my unacceptable thoughts and desires to Him and He is still here. He still loves me and wants me, even when I struggle to love myself.

My self-analysis and the judgements I have made based on that, have been largely unnecessary. While my reflections and my observations continue, I can step back and wait to see where all of this will take us. The favor and the love that He bestows upon me, allow me to continue to grow, trust and explore. I am not alone in this, He is my guide and my trailblazer. He scouts out the path ahead, making sure it is safe, before leading me down this uncharted path. The one thing I am certain of is that I will be fine.