Despite having numerous things to complete before Christmas, having time off is also giving me ample time to dwell and obsess on our upcoming time together. As I have alluded to here, I am craving intensity and severity. What I have written to Him privately has been a bit more graphic and detailed. My requests of Him and my descriptions of scenarios are not demands in any way. He has always encouraged me to share my thoughts and fantasies with Him, He wants to know specifics, He wants explicit details, I try very hard to oblige Him. I am aware that it is about His desires and His pleasure, not mine. Though, He is very caring and considerate of me and my desires. I am a lucky girl, especially when it comes to my masochistic tendencies, as He seems very willing to give me exactly what I am wanting and more.
As if my own desires and proclivities don't provide me with enough masturbatory fodder, He has been kind enough to send me the written details of what He has planned. It is a message that I have reread numerous times this past week. His writing and descriptions put my own words to shame, He has as much mastery over the written word, as He does over me. Each time I have read His complete and descriptive account, I have felt the heat and the wetness, oozing from my cunt and soaking my panties. This last time, I realized I was trembling as I slid my hand down my pants to my very hard and sensitive clit.
The bottom line (no pun intended) is that I need Him to hurt me. I need Him to spank me and whip me, ignoring my pleas and sobs. I want to be pushed over the edge, to where I have completely lost control and totally surrendered to Him. I will admit that the prospect scares me (just a little), but I also do not fear the end result. I lust for His extreme, excessive, and uncompromising domination and use of me.