Saturday, June 6, 2009
J recently traveled out of the country. We thought we would have regular contact while He was gone, but due to some technical glitches, that wasn't possible. I was excited and happy for Him to be able to indulge in this much needed vacation. Though, I also wondered what my reaction to His absence would be. What I have found is that each time of separation defines us, as much as each time we are together. I was able to ride a wave of gratitude while He was gone. Both gratitude that He was enjoying Himself and gratitude that He loves and accepts me so fully, I am able to feel secure, even when I am unable to communicate with Him.
Our relationship has been a journey, it has evolved and deepened in ways that I never anticipated. I have been reflecting on that journey a lot lately. M:e recently talked about the changes that have been occurring in her life, her observations made me think even more. I commented to her that I used to focus on our destination. I wondered where all of this would lead us. I no longer think about that end point. Instead, I concentrate on the path we are on. There is a synergy between us, each of us needs exactly want the other has to give. The amount of intensity and control He has come to desire, is exactly the amount of intensity and control I have come to crave. I cannot separate myself from Him, He is a part of me. Whether we are together or apart, I feel Him within me and all around me. Even when there is a lightness to our interactions, within the teasing, playfulness and banter, I feel the current of my submission running deep and strong. I am His, I belong to Him.
We are forging ahead together, but He is blazing a trail within me. I am forever marked and altered by Him. He has refined me and shaped me. Wherever I end up, whatever I become, I will always bear His imprint on me.
Posted by Alice at 10:45 AM