I spent part of my birthday hanging out with my best friend. We have been friends for a very long time, we have weathered quite a lot together. It has only been in the past year that I have shared my kinks with her and she in turn has shared hers with me. I will admit, that once I opened that door of sharing, she opened the floodgates and is much more forthcoming than I am. I can't say I was shocked, though at times I have been a bit surprised. Mostly at the fact that we have been close for so long and there is so much we didn't know about each other. The bottom line though, is that our kinks are quite different. She is anything but submissive. She might play in that role, but she tends to switch. She has a strap-on and knows how to use it. She participates in (and seems to enjoy) cuckolding. The main thing is, she likes to be in control. While all of those things don't do anything for me, I get it. I understand her penchant for it and if it works for her, well hey, who am I to judge.
She was telling me about her ex-husband hitting on her. This is something he does quite often, only because she occasionally indulges him. Then she told me of her plans to have a threesome (her being fucked by two guys), she told me she had thought about inviting her ex to watch. Something about wanting to humiliate him. I told her that as much as I do get it, somehow it just didn't seem quite right. Of course so much of what she does (sexually and otherwise) doesn't seem quite right to me. I pity the man (or woman for that matter) who would betray her, for she would ensure their destruction, even if it meant her own. I'm not really judging here, I just sometimes wonder about her intent. She then referred to J. She said, "the next time he comes down, just tie him up, whip his ass and make him happy." That was when I realized that even though I may get it, she doesn't. I told her that we don't switch, ever. That I am always submissive and He is always Dominant. She replied, "okay, then he can tie you up and whip your ass, whatever."
While it certainly won't effect our friendship, she not only doesn't understand my submissiveness, but I don't think she understands my commitment to J as a submissive. I'm sure she knows we are committed in our relationship, but I think the dynamic escapes her. I could be completely off base, but she seems to think that kink is just kink and doesn't define a relationship. I thought about explaining that, for us, D/s is beyond just playing. It is more than just getting your rocks off, it is who we are, in and out of the bedroom. But I didn't, she wouldn't understand. I have shared this blog with her, I know she has read it, but not on a regular basis. It is not that important to me that she understands. Though, it makes me wonder how many people that have not desired or experienced this type of dynamic, can truly understand how deep that it goes.