Last night, after talking with J and then dutifully writing my post. I went to bed and touched myself. How different it was from the night before. Previously, when I had touched myself and then used my vibrator in search of an elusive orgasm, I had failed. I felt my body respond and then shut down. It was as if my cunt and clit were telling me I was not Him, I was not doing it right, that my fingers did not know how to touch and rub a climax from me. As I had told Him, it was extremely unsatisfying.
Last night, though, with His instructions and His permission in my mind. I did the same things, my fingers followed the same path, but I came. Hard and long and responsively. Obediently, for Him. It was fast and hard and almost violent, releasing the pent up frustration from the night before. I could feel His hands on me, I could feel His fingers, my legs began to draw up, my back arched, I heard moans escape from my mouth as I caught my breath. My muscles tensed more and more, my cunt was oozing and my clit throbbed. Until it all culminated in an explosion that rocked me, as I could hear His voice command me to "come now!"
Though He wasn't physically there, I felt Him pressed against me, His hands caressing me, and His breath and voice in my ear. I was alone in my room, yet under His control. My strong, independent, spoiled self was controlled, owned and dominated by Him. I was reduced to a shaking, breathless and sobbing mass. As I lay twitching and crying, I succumbed to sleep. I can only cry for Him and now maybe, I can only cum for Him as well. Last night He released my tension, frustration, my need and my tears. I was His, as I always am. I was His little girl, His pet, His woman. I love you J and I miss you very much.