Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Waiting for J and touching myself

I am a spoiled pet. Last month, J was able to visit weekly, before that it had still been more frequent with visits every couple of weeks. Though He was just here a week and a half ago, I miss Him terribly. Tonight, when we were talking, I commented that it was extremely unsatisfying to touch myself. It makes me miss Him more, I don't respond to my own touches as well as I respond to His. I do not cum as easily or as hard as when He makes me climax. I cannot even cum at all without imagining Him telling me to.

His response to my comment was "You keep saying that it's not satisfying. Perhaps I should tell you to wait until I'm there. What do you think?" Of course, that was not what I meant at all. Granted, I would much rather have Him here, but I also do not want to be on some sort of restriction. I tried to retract my comment, to explain what I really meant. I asked Him if He was going to allow me to touch myself. I was pretty horny after talking with Him and I wanted a release, even if it was by my own hand. He told me to tell Him why He should, then He said "Promise to write a public blog discussing this...with an explanation why I should."

So, that is what I am doing. Except the problem being that the reason I want permission is because I am selfish and spoiled. I just want to. That is not a very good reason. He told me He has faith that I can convince Him, that I can cite good reasons. I will try.

Maybe I am not selfish and spoiled, I am really just fairly independent. Not in a bratty or defiant way, but in the way our dynamic allows me to be. He has placed restrictions on me in the past, but only when a visit was scheduled and He was conditioning me for it (so to speak). He is in control, I gladly relinquish control to Him. Though my daily life and activities are pretty much my own. When He is not here, He allows me to govern what I do. I always try very hard to please Him or be pleasing to Him. I also enjoy giving Him control when He is here (or when He is not and demands it). He tends to exert His control enough to remind me that I am His, that I want to be His, that I happy, content and fulfilled to be His. He also wants me to be my own person, to be independent and make decisions. For Him to micro-manage my life and activities would be more of a chore for Him than a pleasure. He also views it as being detrimental to me. He likes and admires my strength and independence. He also likes that I choose to submit to Him.

Aside from the fact that I do like His control, and my admission that climaxes and release by my own hands are not nearly as satisfying as those He gives to me. It is still a release when I touch myself. It still meets a need. It also is a reminder of Him. I cannot touch myself without thinking of Him, fantasizing about Him, wanting Him madly. So, in that respect, even the climaxes I give to myself are still from Him. They are fueled by Him, granted by Him, even if He is not here and is not aware.

My blogging here is a bit of a moot point. He has in effect already given me permission to touch myself. He told me I may..."If you tell me now that you will write a sufficiently compelling reason." So, I hope that this is a sufficiently compelling reason, though He left that up to me. I hate it when He leaves things like this up to me and He knows it. That is why He does it. I am also directed to write again after the fact. I know this is His directive to have me write more. I have been neglectful of the blog. I have several posts pending that I have struggled with. I need to become more disciplined about writing, for myself and for Him. I began this blog for Him, when I neglect it, I am neglecting Him. I am sorry for that.

J, here is my post. I will write the follow-up as requested. I will write more, even when I struggle with it and don't feel like it. I love you. I am yours. Both those facts make me very happy.


Paul said...

Alice, good to see you, I think/hope that you have convinced J.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...

Thank you Paul. He was pleased with the post. It was good for me to be told/commanded to write. It is good for me, I know that. I do tend to be too critical and to over-think what I want to say. The less I write, the more I struggle with it. I need/want to become more disciplined about it. I am planning to be much more attentive here.