Saturday, May 24, 2008


Celine Dion - Seduces Me

Each day that passes, increases my desire to surrender and to hold nothing back. I want to open myself to be available to serve Him completely. I want to respond to and fulfill His needs. In my effort to make this more about Him and to diminish my own needs, I have come to realize that is impossible. My needs are to surrender and serve Him. The more it becomes about His desires, the more that feeds into my own desires. My understanding of the dynamic we share, of the power exchange is clearer to me everyday. The more I give, the more He takes, the closer I am to meeting my own needs. We are dependent on each other, our needs are reciprocal.

This has been a seduction. We have not seduced each other, we have been seduced by our own desires. The deeper into this we go, the more we want and need. My thoughts and desires are of the likes I never entertained before. I want to be used and objectified. I want to be exposed, to have my proclivities revealed. Not to be labeled a slut, but His slut. I want others to know the depth of my submission and the extent of His control. I crave the intensity and severity of the pain that He inflicts on me. I want to be lost in it and freed by it. I am seduced by the possibility of where my surrender will take me. I want to be marked with His welts and bruises. I want to be bound to Him by piercings. I want to be marked by His piss, like an animal marking their territory. I want everything He does and everything I accept, to emphasize His possession of me.

I want to perform for Him and on Him with another woman. I am willing to perform and expose myself to an audience of His choice. I am His, as His possession He can expose me or share me. He plants the seeds of His fantasies in my mind where they grow and become my own desires. I want to perform for others and be covered in their spunk, then have Him claim me by washing it off with His piss. My desires and thoughts are sometimes so raw they disturb me. Yet, I feel deeply inside of me the depravity of wanting to be pushed and tested in every way.

He owns me, I am not His slave, I give myself to Him freely. I could as easily take my submission back, but I won't. My desire for the obscene, could not exist without the trust and the caring. My experience is a spiritual one. The desire to satisfy my soul by denial of self and abjective treatment. I struggle to find the balance, the understanding. My struggle reveals that I am moving forward on instinct. I am seduced by my lack of understanding, our relationship is not balanced. He holds the power and the control, the scales are tipped. I struggle and reach deep inside to even find the words to express this need. How do I explain something I cannot understand? Still this part of me is increasing. Originally, I suppressed what I felt to be a perversion, now I embrace what I know to be pure and absolute.

Am I surrendering to Him or am I surrendering to my own needs? They are one and the same. Has this always been there or has He awakened this in me? I have never allowed myself to explore these dark yearnings so fully. I wonder where this will lead, if there is an end. How deep am I willing to go? I need to submit, to surrender, despite that need, He is the only one who has been able to evoke that response in me.


Paul said...

Alice, you are indeed digging deep.
Dominance and submission do indeed feed off each other.
Each individual reacts differently and each reaction is valid.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...

I have been digging deep haven't I? I am beginning to understand what I want from all of this, what my needs are. I am not sure I will ever achieve a complete understanding. We are undertaking this journey together though. both of our needs and desires are changing, deepening. The changes are contingent on eachother. The evolution of our relationship is truly a partnership. This quest is not solitary, we are exploring together. He is my anchor, my constant in flux of my emotions. He is my one need and desire that I am sure of.