Last week when I was packing to return home, realizing that shortly there would be miles between us again, He asked me if I would like to take the toy bag with me and keep it for us. This may seem like a casual question and most people would minimize the meaning of it and the effect it had on me. To me, this was an ultimate gesture of His acceptance of me and validation of us.
It is not that I don't know He accepts me. He has always told me and demonstrated to me how He feels. He has always communicated my importance to Him and His commitment to what we share. I belong to Him, I have surrendered myself to Him, I need Him. He has told me that He values me, He holds my submission, my surrender in great esteem. I feel safe with Him, I feel cherished by Him, His words and actions have always allowed me to feel secure. That is why I wasn't sure why I was touched so deeply by His request. I didn't comment on it at the time, I was afraid I was reading too much into it. I took it to be a promise of times to come, an expression of His commitment to me. It was a testament of our longevity, a demonstration of His trust in me. This gesture of His stirred strong emotions in me. I recognized the magnitude of what was being offered to me, more than a bag of toys and implements, it was a symbol of our relationship, of what we share.
This week, He confirmed my feelings surrounding the request. He let me know that I was not wrong in assuming the significance. He revealed that His intention was exactly what I hoped it had been. He told me: I will say, that I hope you realize that my asking you to hold my bag of "toys" was not for convenience, but a sign that I hope, and expect, to spend more time together. And a sign that I do not need to look for anyone else to satisfy my desires for a woman to satisfy and serve me. It was more than a gesture. It was, in its own way, a form of commitment and acceptance. His words pleased me, they made me feel prized and treasured all over again. I now hold a physical symbol of His return, an expectation of what we will share, the hope of our future. Thank you J.