Tuesday, May 27, 2008

This thing that we do

I have been thinking a lot lately. Pondering this thing that we do and why we do it. Although I dabbled in some kinky sex in the past, that bordered on submission, I never truly engaged in D/s until this past year. Now I do not think I could go without it. How is it, that I could live my entire adult life, until age 49, without something, only to have it end up being such an integral part of my being?

He is the only man who has ever truly dominated me. His domination extends beyond the kink and the sex, He dominates my entire being. I feel His essence deep within me. It has effected every aspect of my life. My outlook and my view of life has changed. He has expanded my world, my walls have come down and He has allowed me to take my place in the universe again. Rather than keeping little bits of myself, each in their own small compartment, I have become integrated into a whole being. I have connected with myself and with what is outside of myself. Our relationship drives me, to want more, explore more, accept more. Not just more kink, pain and sex, but more life, more wholeness, more oneness with the universe.

Within the confines of our relationship, He has control. He leads and I follow. He is careful to always lead a few steps in front of where I am, pulling me forward into where He is sure I already want to be. Planting seeds of suggestions and desires in my mind, allowing them to take root and grow. It is a give and take, the further I go the further He takes me. The further He takes me the further I go. Our desires are ever expanding, as our devotion and our experiences grow, the effects extend beyond us. His influence ripples out from me in ever widening circles, creating a force that has repercussions far beyond the sphere of our relationship.

Recently, I feel I can see the whole picture of things. I can see our place in the universe, we are but a small speck in a huge expanse. However, I know that speck is woven into a larger thread, if it would cease to exist, the entire fabric would be changed by the void. I sense my insignificance, as well as my importance, both in our relationship and in the cosmos. These contradictory sides of my existence are juxtaposed in my mind, making me think and seek my place and my role. I am beginning to see all the possibilities, my limits are removed, anything is possible.

Every person takes the limits of their own field of vision for the limits of the world.
~Arthur Schopenhauer

Our work for peace must begin within the private world of each one of us. To build for man a world without fear, we must be without fear. To build a world of justice, we must be just.
~Dag Hammarskjold

Chase after the truth like hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat-tails.
~Clarence Darrow

Every little event is like a pebble in the water that ripples outward and touches places the pebble never could.
~Adam Rifkin


Greenwoman said...

I liked how you described your sense of his dominance permeating your life as you did. You said it well. I feel the same way when I submit. Its a beautiful thing. *smiles*

I'm enjoying reading here very much!

Paul said...

Alice, I like very much how you describe how this lifestyle develops your spiritual being.
I have seen it this way for about fifty years.
My wife and I grew a great deal spiritually within our D/s marriage.
A good and sustaining life promotes growth.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...

Paul and Shannee,
It never occured to me at the start of this what the effects on me would be. I was looking for a little distraction, some play time, and the fulfillment of some sexual needs. In the past I rejected the idea of soulmates as a romantic and emotional fallacy. I now believe if I have a soulmate, it is Him. He seemed to know exactly what was in my head and heart from the beginning. His knowledge of me has deepened over time. We were like minded in many areas and our needs were suited to each other perfectly. I have had a huge issue with trust for a long time, but I never doubted that I could trust Him implicitly.

The last thing I expected was the spiritual growth and connectness I would experience. I have come to view our relationship as a mirror to myself and the world. It has given me great understanding and awareness. I know that this is a truly rare and exceptional occurrence. I do not believe it has happened by chance, our meeting and pairing was meant to be.

This journey and revelation of mine has been enhanced by both of you. Reading what the two of you share of your knowledge and experiences have given me understanding and enlightenment. I am grateful to have you follow along through my blog.
Thank you so much, Alice