Submissive Journal Prompts

Though I was familiar with the Submissive Journal Prompts, I never used them. I have enjoyed reading Shannee's responses though, so I thought I would try them.

~Where did you get the name you use online or in the scene? What is its meaning?
I have several names I use online. In this blog I write under the name of Alice. Obviously, from my blog title, this comes from Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I have always loved this book and find much meaning and symbolism in it. When I began this blog, I felt that I was in the midst of a great adventure (I still am). I also knew that not everything was what it seemed to be, that my own Wonderland was my own alternate reality. Little did I know how true that was. It just gets curiouser and curiouser.

My last blog was written under the name of Lola. That was a nickname from high school. I don't really remember who gave it to me or why. That summer I worked as a counselor at a summer camp. We were each supposed to choose a nickname or pseudonym to go by, so I was Lola all summer. What Lola wants, Lola gets.

I am His pet. I love when He calls me pet, I feel very loved and cared for. It is endearing and sweet. I do not find this name degrading in the least, probably due to my relationship with my pets. My dogs are part of my family, they are loved and valued by me. I do not view my animals as being property or less worthy, I love them as much as some people. The pet dynamic for us, is most likely similar to Daddy/ little girl dynamic for others. Though I find the Daddy/little girl thing to be intriguing, it just doesn't work for me.

~When are you most aware of being owned/submissive?
Lately, I am aware of it all the time. It colors my thoughts and outlook on so many things. When we are together, I can feel His presence surrounding me, like a heady scent. It fills my senses and it clings to me, His presence/essence causes my submission to deepen. Even just the sound of His voice sends me to a deeper submissive state. My strongest feelings of submission come when I suck His cock. I love to do this, it is extremely pleasurable and sensuous for me. It also makes me acknowledge my place, my roll with Him, I feel very womanly at this time.

~What seven words would you use to describe yourself?
This is difficult for me to limit it to seven words, but here goes:
Seeker, Student, Mother/Grandmother, Teacher, Pet, Sensual, Strong

Since I feel that only seven words limit who I am, I will add a few.
Literary-as I love to read and to write.
Keeper-of memories, of stories, of heirlooms, of animals (my four legged children), of things (I am quite a pack rat).
Expressive-I love creating things: quilts, clothes, art, poems, prose, food.

~When you are near the end of your life, reflecting back over the years you have lived, the choices that you have made.. what would you like to remember?
I would like to know that I have lived and loved to the fullest of my ability. I want the people of importance in my life to know how deeply I love them. Beyond that, there are two sentiments that encompass my personal philosophy. The first is part of the Hippocratic Oath, or at least a paraphrase of it: Do no harm. The second is a quote from Horace Mann; Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity. I want to look back and know that rather than just complain about the injustices and inequality present in the world, I did something (no matter how small) to correct it. I want that legacy to live on through what I have taught and modeled to my children and grandchildren. Pretty lofty, huh?

~Do you enjoy deprivation of certain things you once took for granted?
I know that this was meant in the context of my submission, but that is not how I thought about it. Mostly due to financial hardships, beyond my control, my life has become simplified. I presently do not have a car, nor do I have extra money for much of anything. I could be all depressed and resentful about this (and sometimes I am) or I can recognize that I still have way more than most people globally. I am rich beyond belief, in the context of considering true poverty.

I like that I have had to adopt a more green lifestyle and that I have developed empathy for the plight of those with less than me. I like that my children have seen that there are many things that are in no way necessities. I have lived without air conditioning, a television, and transportation (save my own two feet and the goodwill of friends). I have still tried to share the resources that I do have. In our society, I am deprived, I am poor, but I feel rich. It is not the material things, or even the monetary things, that I took for granted, but it was my independence. I am now dependent on others for certain things, not needy dependent, but gratefully dependent. I enjoy the change it has made in me.

~If it occurs within your dynamic:
Do you find it to be annoying/frustrating?
Do you find that it is just one way amongst many to remind you of your status?
This is not really part of our dynamic. He has imposed orgasm restrictions before, but I did not feel deprived. It only served to heighten my desire and ultimate climaxes. Frustrating? Temporarily. Annoying? Not at all. I do love His control over me, if He chose to restrict me or deprive me of certain things, I would acquiesce. It probably would remind me of my submission. Of course, everything reminds me of my submission.