Monday, April 7, 2008

primal needs

I thought I would add this song, as it seemed so appropriate.

Fever - Peggy Lee

It has been more than three months, since we have been together physically. To say I am getting a little needy is an understatement. In three weeks, we will spend two days together, the interim seems interminable. I have a raw, lustful ache that is inside me all of the time now. I was trying to tell Him how I felt and He told me to make that an assignment, to write and explain my feelings and neediness. I have done that and here is the result:

You wanted me to explain how I have been feeling lately. It is a feeling that I struggle to put words to. It is so base and primal, it is difficult to verbalize, it is an instinctual and animalistic drive inside of me. To explain my feelings or my emotions is almost impossible, but I can try to describe it in analogous terms that you might be able to understand.

I feel like an animal in heat. I have seen cats in heat that seemed tormented by their instinctual needs. They cry and rub and roll around, trying to lessen their distress and anguish, with no avail. When they actually find a mate and consummate the act, which has become so critical, their hunger is so great, they prostrate themselves and howl and scream at the release. The urges, which are smoldering inside me, have me feeling like a bitch in heat. My limits have become eclipsed by my need; my thoughts and fantasies confirm that I would do anything to secure my release from you.

I feel like I have an ember burning inside of me, so red hot, it may burst into flame at any given moment. The lust that burns in me consumes me, and no amount of masturbation or stimulation begins to quench it. You are the object of my yearning, and my desire can only be met by your essence, your sensation, by being filled by you. My longing is not only for sexual release, for orgasm, but also the need to be engulfed, deluged by sensation. I need the pain, your strokes on my skin, to draw out and satisfy the fire inside of me. I need your physical presence, your dominance, to smother me, in order to extinguish the flame.

I feel like I am caught in an electro-magnet. The current, which is surrounding me and coursing through me, is creating an overpowering pull toward you. The desires inside of me have created such a strong field of attraction; I cannot escape it or fight it. I have no choice, but to be drawn to you.

I feel naked and exposed. Like the sea at low tide, the water is pulled back and it has exposed the ocean’s floor. All that is normally deep and hidden is laid bare for everyone, including myself to see. My lust and desire has been divulged and exhibited, revealing and defining what previously hid in my core.

I have not been able to douse or lessen this feeling inside of me. It is a constant ache, a reminder, of my need to surrender. It is the glaring reality of my mission, my calling, to worship you, experience you with all of my senses. Touching myself, making myself cum, immersing my thoughts in fantasy, does not lessen my urgency for you. Last night I spanked myself with the brush, I used the crop on my breasts and my thighs, I pinched my nipples and clit, until I cried out. I touched myself and fucked myself with the vibrator until I came. Everything only served to stoke the furnace within me more. Afterwards, I still shook and tossed and trembled, needing your hands on me. I need to be struck and pinched and probed by you. Wanting to feel your teeth close on my skin, to feel your hand wrapped in my hair, to feel your grip on my throat, needing you to fuck me, my mouth, my cunt, and my ass. I burn to be used and controlled and taken by you. I want to touch you and smell you and taste you, I need my hands and my mouth on you, I need to press myself against you. I am your bitch in heat, your hungry little cock-sucker, your greedy, covetous whore, and your urgent, devoted pet.

What a lovely way to burn...


Anonymous said...

Hi Alice,

Absolutely loved your writing!! I have had a long-distance relationship and can relate to your feelings and expressions very well. I think your articulate your innermost thoughts very well. Very distinct style of writing. Captivating and indeed very going to be a regular visitor on your blog...

Alice said...


Thank you so much for your kind words. I welcome you to the blog.