Sunday, August 17, 2008


His visit here this week has taken me from restless to content. Though He is gone now and distance separates us again, I still feel wrapped in His arms. I am awash in His presence, I feel Him all around me. Not restrictively so, but reassuringly so, I am swaddled by His essence. I am the same as when we met, yet I am completely different. He has shaped me, He has made me His. He is everything that I need and want. No other man could ever complete me, satisfy me, or own me as He does. I have been feeling very owned lately, my mindset is continually evolving. When we started, I did not understand a Master/slave dynamic. I did not understand being owned. We do not incorporate a M/s dynamic, but I have come to understand it. I also believe that it is a matter of semantics, what we have in our relationship is not far off of what many others refer to as M/s. I am His, I belong to Him. That is my choice, I am free to withdraw my submission at any time. Yet, I am not free, I could not do it, I am owned. I need Him, I need to surrender myself to Him. That need grows within me more each day. He has changed me.

In my mind, I am bound to Him. In my heart, I revere Him. In our interactions, He sanctifies me. I do not wear a collar, but psychologically and spiritually, I am His possession. He realizes, better than I do, what I need and desire. He is better able to please me and sate those desires than I am myself. I have realized that He is all that I need. He gives me everything that I could ever want. He is my fantasy and my desire and nothing else matters. He is my guide, my leader, my security, my sanctuary. This has never been more apparent to me than it was this week.

I am completely His. When we are together, I bask in His presence. I am His pet, I am cherished and cared for. Tuesday, when He was here, I sat at His feet. My head was in His lap and He was stroking my hair and my neck. I have never felt more content or fulfilled. His touches are magic to me, whether He is stroking my hair, or spanking my ass, or rubbing my clit, I am euphoric from His touch. As I sat on the floor at His feet, I yearned for Him, I longed for the release that only He can give to me. I began to rub myself against Him, to masturbate on His foot. He encouraged me, He gave me permission to cum for Him. I cannot climax without Him anymore. I need His presence, either His physical presence or the one that is implanted strongly inside of me. Even when we are apart, I must conjure up His voice in my head, telling me "Cum for me, pet." to be able to climax. Rubbing and arching against His foot made me cum better and harder than my own touches or toys ever could.

We spent time on the deck, where He bent me over the railing to spank me. Afterwards, I leaned down to suck His cock. I was aware of the openness, the lack of privacy, but He was my focus, I needed to serve Him. I only knew how completely I belonged to Him. I love His cock, I delight in touching it, licking it and sucking it. It is sacred to me. My worship and adulation of it is my namaste to Him, my gesture of reverence. His cock is my altar, my providence, my prize. My service and submission to Him has overtaken any shyness or embarrassment that I may feel.

Back inside, I began to prepare dinner, He stood beside me and carved a butt plug out of ginger root. The pungent odor filled my nose and caused my cunt to throb and drip. He had me smell and taste the ginger, He asked me if that was what I wanted. My mind was unsure, but my body's reaction betrayed any objections that I voiced. It was later, after dinner when He tried it out on me. I was nervous, not knowing what to expect. The onset was a nice cool sensation, but that quickly gave way to an intense heat that spread through me and caused quite a bit of squirming. The heat and pulsating spread to my cunt as well and turned into a pretty intense orgasm. The pleasure definitely outweighing the discomfort. He followed that up with applying the nipple clamps and clothespins and then using the blade of His knife to trace and outline my body. Though, I trusted Him completely and I knew He would never harm me, the knife play brought back intense memories and emotions and reduced me to tears. His voice and His reassurances kept me present, they affirmed my safety and offered protection from the evil in my past. He has liberated me, and by doing so has deeply ensconced me in His possession and control. The impact play was less this time, some spanking, a few strokes of His belt and the whip. The intensity was in the form of the psychological impact. The marks He left were those of a healer's touch. With a surgeon's skill, he has cut away the festering wounds and emotions, leaving behind what is healthy and strong.

He is still one of very few people I can cry in front of. One year ago, I refused to let anyone see me cry at all. When the tears come now, I am a little girl for Him. I am taken to a place of trust and innocence. I can relax into His arms and bare myself to Him completely, for I know that I am loved and protected. I have never felt safer in my life, than I do in His arms. Once again, He took me farther than I ever thought was possible. He led me past limits, He fulfilled all of my needs.

Eros Ramazotti & Anastacia ~ I Belong to You


Paul said...

Alice, a beautiful post and a beautiful song, takes me back many years, thank you.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...

Paul, thank you. I am consistantly surprised at how our relationship/dynamic continues to evolve and deepen. I willingly follow, as he leads me through all of my previous limits. Never before have I experienced the depth of trust that we share. I can honestly say that there is nothing that I would refuse him or withhold from him. As always, your words are encouraging and affirming to me.
((big hugs)) Alice

Louise said...

Alice, a beautiful post indeed... your words radiate... *smiles* So glad you've found this, and that you share it. Thank you, Louise

Alice said...

I am so glad I found this too. I do acknowledge and appreciate how special it is. Thank you for your kind words.