Sunday, August 17, 2008

Weighing the Risk

Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it. ~ The Duchess
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland

I visited Shannee's blog today, it confirmed to me something I have been noticing. There has been a lot of pain and sadness among many of my favorite bloggers. I have been tempted to post on this before, but I was unsure what to write. I did not really want to go there. The more I read, however, the more I must comment. Pixiepie has been dealing with a debilitating and dangerous illness and now the loss of Richard. Oatmeal Girl is coming to terms with the loss of the Philosopher. I read of others' pain in searching for someone to give their submission to and continually being disappointed. I empathize with all of them, I sympathize, I know what it is to lose a relationship, to be hurt or betrayed by someone you love. It also makes me realize how blessed I am. It does not make me question my trust in Him, it makes me realize that you have to take it where you find it. Something special does not come along everyday, when it does, you have to take the risk. The more you give, the more you love, the greater the risk. The dynamic of a D/s relationship elevates that risk even more, but also makes it worth that risk.

For years, I would not take that risk, I did not find anyone who was worth that risk. I had been hurt, I was never going to be hurt again. But sometimes, it is worth the risk. Sometimes it is so special and so right, that the journey, the discovery, the sharing, is worth any pain that it might bring. I had a plan, my plan was to not become involved, certainly not to fall in love. The universe had a different plan. I met someone who has surely known me forever. Someone who knew me so deeply and intimately, that we had to have loved in a past life. I discovered that I had to submit to Him, and that I could not completely surrender without loving Him. By being the man that He is, He made me love Him.

Don't misunderstand me, my love does not come with strings attached. There are limitations between us, I accept those. There are limits on the time we can share, I accept that as well. What is not limited is my trust in Him and my honesty with Him. My love and desire for Him are also unlimited. I am His, for as long as He wants and needs me, I am His. I do not know when or if this will ever end. Should that occur, I will hurt, I will have lost part of myself, but I will have gained so much more than I could ever lose. And my love for Him will never be lost. He has resurrected a part of me that I thought was lost forever, He gave me back my ability to love. Loving Him has been easy and joyful. He is the most exceptional person that I have ever known. With all the pain and horror and treachery in the world, sometimes you just have to let go with abandon and embrace what is good in your life. I have many good things in my life, but He is certainly one of the best things in my life. I have no regrets, in fact I am eternally thankful for all that He is and all that He gives to me. I hope that I never give Him one moment's regret, I hope I am always a source of joy to Him.


Paul said...

Alice, a soul-mate can do this. Nearly 14 years since she passed, and still she lives in my heart.
I so understand, long may you be together, lovely song.
Warm hugs,

Alice said...


Reading about your love for Mel has touched my heart and has also influenced my own personal journey. I admit that going into this I was still rather cynical and guarded. The connection that quickly developed between us frightened me, but it was also like nothing I had ever experienced. It still is like nothing else I have ever experienced. I never believed in soul-mates before I found one.

My best to you my friend,

Greenwoman said...

I am so happy for you Alice. Love is so good to behold. ((hugs)) I join my wishes with Paul's...Long may you love together. Bless you both.

Alice said...

Thank you Shannee. I recognize the preciousness and rarity of what we share. I also recognize the fragility of human relationships, which is all the more reason to wholly embrace them.