As this week is leading up to an anniversary for us, I have been thinking back over the past year quite a lot. Forgive me if I get a bit repetitive this week, I am in a worshippy, surrendered, submissive mood. Soon, when we are together, I hope can convey that to Him.
I know I have said this before, but His knowledge of me never ceases to amaze me. From our first messages, to our first conversation, to our first time together, He did all the right things. He knew what to say to me, what to ask of me, and how to touch me. Our relationship has been the first time I have really embarked into the world of D/s. I did not know what to expect. Inside of me I knew what I wanted and needed, but I did not know how to verbalize some of it. As He told me things, explained things to me, I knew this was exactly what I desired. He verbalized what I was longing for. I sincerely hoped that I could also give Him what He desired as well.
He was very patient with me, He overlooked my inexperience, my shyness at certain things. I think He found it a little amusing. He acknowledged my efforts and my struggle at times. He led me gently, but firmly. He never rushed me. He pushed, but not too hard. He gave me assignments, things to think about and write about. In the beginning, He told me what to expect. I needed that reassurance and He knew it. He got to know me as a whole. He asked about my life and my thoughts, things that had nothing to do with BDSM. We would have long and free-ranging discussions, but then He would bring things back around to my submission. My trust and submission were there from the start, but He cultivated them and they grew.
By the time we met in person, I wanted Him so much I could not stand it. I also wanted to please Him and give myself to Him. I worried that I would not be what He expected. I worried that I would not be able to do as He asked. I was nervous on so many different levels, I could not even identify them all. He was disarming and gracious. He put me at ease, at least to the extent that was possible. He was calm and composed, His demeanor had a calming effect on me. He was unhurried, He allowed me the time I needed to comply. I felt like a servant and a princess at the same time. I was Cinderella. Things have only gotten better, He has been unwavering. He knows me and delights me, inside and out, both mentally and physically. He gives me pleasure in so many ways, I feel undeserving, I feel that I can not give Him enough in return. I am very lucky and very blessed. What I give to Him, will never adequately compensate for what I get from Him. He more than fulfills my needs and sates my desires. He makes me want to give my best to Him, He makes me want to give my all to Him. He is my desire.